Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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