you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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