Umm I'm too high to move.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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