I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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