When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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