I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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