and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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