I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize