I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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