end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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