I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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