I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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