I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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