You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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