I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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