So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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