Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize