I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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