apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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