great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to calm my uterus...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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