I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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