ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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