is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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