morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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