All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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