I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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