The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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