ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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