You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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