He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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