Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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