I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize