Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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