On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize