At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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