Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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