She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize