Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize