ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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