You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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