So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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