i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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