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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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