I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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