everyone is single if you try hard enough
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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