well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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