I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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