Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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