I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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