ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize